Learning To Date

Ivy didn't want to go on this first date anymore than she wanted to slit her own throat, but she had promised that she would be there, and if nothing else, Ivy Hickman did not go back on her promises. And so, albeit reluctantly, Ivy piled her things into the trunk of her car and slid into the driver's seat. The car started with a quiet rumble, and she was off to Chipotle for lunch with this Aaron fellow that she had met online.

She always got to a location early, but for once, she wished she had been late. She was an astounding twenty minutes early. She could do nothing but sit in her car, in the parking lot, and wonder fruitlessly which of the cars circling the parking lot contained her date. Her therapist had recommended some "casual dating" for the reclusive graduate student. Ivy's mind was currently filled with sinister thoughts about what she would do to the therapist the next time that they met.

Aaron's pictures were mostly face-shots. She pulled up his online dating profile on her smartphone and browsed through it. He was a huge nerd bomber. He didn't play World of Warcraft (that was on Ivy's no-go list), but he did just about everything else. She vaguely remembered a conversation that he had cut short with her because he had to go to a friend's house to play Dungeons and Dragons, the tabletop role playing game that was universally made fun of by anyone who did not participate. He had a solid head of hair, brown, and cute brown eyes and glasses. His face was thicker, but he didn't seem to be overly obese that she could tell.

She wasn't too picky, after all. She felt a bit guilty about it, but sometimes, she followed through with the first-date with someone because it almost always guaranteed her a free lunch. And it was [always]{.underline} lunch. She wouldn't do dinner with a complete stranger. She would feel bad if she went to dinner with someone and then never spoke to him again. She remembered the days when she would proclaim, "My man has to be taller, stronger, and smarter than me." This, of course, was before she realized that there would never be a man that fit all three qualifications. So instead, she opted for small things. Must have job. Must like dogs. Must not live with parents. Must not be disgusting.

And with Aaron, even some of these were either unknown or compromises. She knew he lived with his parents, but he said that he had recently gotten a new job as an IT tech, and would be moving out soon. She didn't know about the whole dogs thing, but she knew he had a job. And he didn't look too bad in his pictures, so she decided to give him a shot. Oh, another requirement: must be able to spell and use the English language. And that, thankfully, he had.

Her phone beeped and she looked back down at it from her daydreams. "You here?" The text message notification startled her like an unwelcome bee sting. Her stomach sank -- it usually did when she was about to meet someone new; and taking a deep breath, she wrote him back an affirmative response. Slowly, she gathered her things together and shut her car off. Time to face reality.

She got out of her car and shut the door gently, scanning the area near the restaurant's entrance. She could see the line for food through the glass doors. It was a busy day for Chipotle. Perhaps this date wouldn't happen, anyway. If the restaurant was too busy, and Ivy only had an hour lunch break... She comforted herself with those thoughts as she strode through the parking lot.

She caught a smile on the edge of her vision and turned to see a giant. Well, not really a giant, but it turns out that Aaron's profile hadn't warned her just how... big he was. He must have been well over six feet, and also well over 300 pounds. His photographs had hidden that fact very well. Her stomach turned inside of her as she approached him, brandishing a smile as well, her mind screaming to not let him touch her.

She told her mind to calm down and waved shyly at him, standing a restrictive distance away to prevent that hug that he so badly wanted to give her. It didn't help.

"Ivy, right?" He confirmed as he moved closer to her. When she didn't move into his grasp, it turned into an awkward one-armed hug. He let go almost immediately, and she was thankful, for she could smell the faintest hint of mold and unwashed clothes on his body. Not overbearing, of course. What was overbearing was the smell of the cologne he used in an attempt to cover the smell of his clothing. This was going to be a rough half hour for Ivy.

"Are you hungry?" He asked her as he opened the door for her and whistled at the sight of so many people. She shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess." She ducked under his massive arm and made her way into the restaurant, standing behind the last person in line.

"What was that?" He asked, raising his voice. He must've not heard her over the din of the restaurant, and so, she repeated herself a little louder.

"Yeah."

"Cool. Me too." He said lamely, standing next to her in line. He looked down at her through his wide, black rimmed glasses -- another thing that the pictures had not warned her about. "So what is it you do again?" He asked her.

"I study rare plants and how they interact with their environments." She responded with ease. That was a question she got asked all of the time. Even when she wasn't on first dates with giants.

"That's way cooler than what I do." He acknowledged, almost yelling in her face as he struggled to get closer to hear her responses. "I just tell stupid people how to fix their computers."

She nodded. He had shared that with her before they met. The line moved, achingly slow, and for not the first time, she wished that she had a fast-forward button for this moment in her life.

"So you were having a good day at work?" He asked her, looking to fill their awkward silence in the noisy restaurant. She nodded, and added,

"Yeah, I'll have to go back soon. I'm in the middle of planting some seeds from different populations." A blatant lie, but necessary. Not five minutes in, and she was already wishing it was over. And it wasn't just his smell that was off-putting. It was his clammy hands, and his nervous demeanor. Everything about him just said, "You will never want to sleep with me, ever." And what was the point of finishing a date if you knew right away that you didn't want to eventually end up in bed with the man?

"That's cool." He acknowledged, but his face revealed a disappointment that seemed to reach all the way to his soul. How many times had this man been turned down for a date before it even really started? Guiltily, she qualified her statement.

"I should have time to eat. We've almost ordered."

"Good." He said to her and turned to the person waiting to take his order. Moments passed where Ivy could pretend that they were just two strangers that happened to be in a restaurant line, ordering food at the same time. That illusion didn't last long though, as Aaron motioned to her food at the cashier. Ah, free lunch. She smiled in acceptance and asked for a cup for water from the cashier. She didn't want to over-extend her tab when she knew that this guy wasn't going to make it to date number two. She followed him out of line and into the dining area, where they were presented with a brand new problem.

"I don't see any seats, do you?" Aaron asked her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"No." Ivy agreed amiably. Perhaps this date could end right here.

"We could sit outside." He suggested, motioning at the empty tables outside. The unusually cool wind whipped outside, waving the umbrellas over the tables back and forth.

"Sure, I guess." Ivy reluctantly agreed. She could survive her ten minutes outside just to end this date.

"We could... sit in my car." He suggested hesitantly. "It's warmer, at least. Quieter."

This was a strange proposal, but she supposed it couldn't be that much worse than sitting outside. Even though all of her kidnapping-murder-rape sensors were flying off, she was reasonably sure she could handle him. She did have a field knife in her pocket.

"Um, sure." She agreed, just as hesitantly. She waited for him to open the door for her and again, she walked under his giant arm and then waited, awkwardly, as he held the door for two more people and then finally escaped the hustle and bustle of Chipotle.

"This way." Aaron motioned and lumbered past her, to the left, and towards a white minivan. Excellent, Ivy thought. A rape van. He fumbled with his keys for a minute before putting the key successfully into the passenger door lock. He opened it for her and she cautiously stepped inside.

The back end -- where the passenger seats should've been -- was completely bare of furniture and instead, had books and papers scattered around in a layer on the floor. The noise of the other door opening startled her, and she hurriedly looked at the dashboard, which, although clear of debris, had a decent layer of dust on it. And what the hell was Ivy sitting on?

"Sorry about the mess." Aaron acknowledged. "I wasn't expecting company."

"It's ok." Ivy swallowed her resignation and fumbled in her plastic bag for her food, nestling her cup of water between her legs to keep it from spilling. Aaron did the same, placing his drink in the cup holder and pulling out his burrito.

They ate in silence for a few moments, then when Ivy had cleared her mouth, she commented,

"Wow. This is really good. I haven't been here in ages."

"I come every few weeks with my coworkers. You can't beat it." Aaron agreed. Some of his steak dripped out from his burrito and onto his lap, which he hastily picked up and placed in his bag. Ivy pretended not to notice.

"My coworkers and I usually hit the sub shop down the street from the University." Ivy shared. "It's cheap, and we get a discount."

"Maybe we'll have to try that next time." Aaron smiled his best smile and Ivy tried not to notice the steak hanging from between his teeth. Instead, she nodded noncommittally and turned from his gaze to take another bite of her burrito.

"So what do you do for fun?" He asked, changing topics.

"I hike, mostly. It comes with the job, but I do it for fun, too. My friends and I go out on nice weekends and explore the parks around here."

"Find anything fun?" He asked, propelling her story on.

"Not really. Well, ticks. A lot of ticks. But other than that, not really."

"What sort of music do you listen to?" Aaron put down his burrito briefly and reached for an mp3 player that was perched precariously in a crowded cubby on the dashboard.

"Country, mostly." Ivy admitted. "Some rock. It really depends on my mood."

"Ah. Well, I know you said you weren't really into roleplaying games, but do you like their music?"

"Um." Ivy was left speechless, watching Aaron scroll through his playlist. Was he about to play epic fantasy music as background for the date?

Yes. Yes he was. The blaring of trumpets filled her ears and he fiddled with the volume until it was so loud that she would have to raise her voice to speak over its orchestra. This date just kept getting better and better.

"I love this soundtrack." Aaron enthused over the loud noises. "It's one of the Final Fantasy soundtracks. I lost so many hours of my life to this game."

"I never played." Ivy offered up, which of course, enabled Aaron to launch into a detailed explanation of the storyline. Ivy focused on the music, and the clock on the dashboard, which seemed to be frozen in time. Eventually, she made the point that it was getting close to the time where she had to go back to the office. He agreed, and with an awkward hug from him, she exited his car and nearly fled back to hers. That lunch was definitely not worth the price she had just paid.

#

Ivy couldn't remember what she had been doing, but the sound of the fire alarm's buzz filled her ears. She got up from her computer - grabbed it, even, and exited her lab, pulling the door behind her. If it was a false alarm, she didn't want some miscreants to enter the lab and take all of their data. Not that their data were exceptionally valuable. But the desktop PC's scattered throughout the lab space, were.

She made her way towards the flight of stairs, following her friends from other labs down the hallway dutifully, trying not to panic. After all, it could just be a drill. They went down the four flights of stairs surrounded by office staff, graduate students, and faculty, as smoke began to fill even the staircase. The crowd quickened its pace as each individual realized that this was the real deal. They sprinted down the rest of the stairs and gratefully exited the putrid smell to the beautiful day outside. She wondered which of the teaching labs had set off the alarm, and as everyone moved farther away from the building, she could see the guilty students, lab coats marred with ash, exiting behind them.

She scanned the crowd for faces that she knew, but was taken aback as open windows on the second floor began streaming smoke. She had a feeling, clutching her computer, that she may have a few days away from the lab while they cleaned this up. Whoever did it, they really fucked up.

"What happened?" She heard the all around her.

"Is the building going to blow up?" Some people asked anxiously. One particularly brilliant person saw Ivy's computer and proclaimed,

"Holy crap! I left my laptop up there. It's going to be ruined!" And he started to move back towards the door, like the crowd was going to let him waltz back inside to grab a stupid laptop. Of course, two University personnel stopped him at the doors and ushered him back to a safe distance. He argued for a moment then gave up his fight and re-joined the crowd clambering for information.

As Ivy considered the consequences of this fire, relief flooded through her blood. Maybe all of her experiments would burn to the ground and they would have to just... give her, her Ph.D. Without defending. She couldn't re-do all of those experiments and get out of the University in its under ten year time limit. She turned to walk to her car.

Ivy woke with a start, her dream's images still etched in her mind. Had she been happy that the University was burning down? Well, it wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? Too bad it was just a fantasy. Ivy sat up and rubbed her eyes. She should be ashamed. If the building where her lab was housed burned down, how many creatures could it hurt? The basement of the building housed the vertebrate research lab, after all, where, if nothing else, there were cages and cages of rats with tumors. How terrible would it be for them, to be trapped in cages in a fire with no way to escape?

Ivy shuddered and reached for her phone. It was a little before her alarm was about to go off, but it was about time for her to wake up and start her day. She didn't have much to do, but she may as well go into the lab early to get it done.

#

"How much time do you suppose graduate students spend on Facebook?" Haywood's voice startled her out of her social-media induced trance and she looked up at him, mildly ashamed.

"It's an important networking tool!" She defended her actions, and then pointed out the picture she had been examining. "Please explain how they put a cat in a box that small?"

"That's cute." Haywood acknowledged. "What are you working on? Besides the book of face, I mean?"

"Um, the usual. Just taking a break from writing. You'll see a draft of my second chapter soon. End of the week. I promise."

"It's alright. Take your time." Haywood responded. "I'm working on a grant application right now that's due next Tuesday. I won't get a chance to see anything you hand me until the end of the week, at the earliest."

"So your weekend is ruined?" Ivy asked him, swiveling her chair to face him.

"Pretty much. Unless I get it all done today, of course."

"Good luck." Ivy said. Haywood thanked her, and then left her office to return to his. She cursed herself for leaving the door open like that, but thought that closing the door not a minute after her boss left would be a little rude. So she waited until she heard his office door open and shut again, then closed her own door down to a crack. She did need to focus and get to work. It had been a few days since she had looked at her thesis, but she was just so damned sick of it. The stuff that she wanted to work on, she couldn't remember details, and science was all about details. She had lost some of her data to a computer crash and had not yet recovered it, and so, on top of writing, was looking forward to re-entering her data manually. For hours.

Reluctantly, Ivy closed Facebook and opened up her e-mail. A lot of office and school related emails that only marginally applied to her, but one that the department head had passed on caught her eye.

To Whom It May Concern:

Kir'nu Island and Nature Preserve are seeking proposals to study tourism-related damage to the Island. As you may know, parts of Kir'nu were opened to the public in the late 1980s, and recently, another section of Kir'nu was opened for trail and backpacking use.

Directions:

Please submit a five-page proposal indicating what your research group would like to examine on the island. Please include a budget which has allocations for research materials and travel to Kir'nu. Researchers will be expected to stay either on the mainland or at the newly established field station on Kir'nu, which will hold a total of eight visiting scientists. Scientists may stay for up to six months at a time. Accepted scientists will be notified by April 15 of next year.

Scientists are expected to only interact with the trails and vegetation directly off the trails. There is a large restricted area which, at this time, will not be accessible to the research scientists. Scientists must sign a non-disclosure agreement to prevent dissemination of information about Kir'nu without ranger approval. Scientists will be expected to publish their results, with approval, in peer-reviewed scientific journals.

About The Facilities:

The research field station has basic amenities (refrigerator, stove, shower, laundry), but researchers will be expected to purchase their own food. Rent will be $50 per month per individual. There is a ferry which travels to the mainland once in the morning and returns in the evening, daily.

Ivy felt herself grow excited as she read the call for proposals. It sounded like an adventure. And an adventure was exactly what Ivy needed: a chance to get out of Wisconsin for some time. Do some novel research. Take a break before her thesis defense. Maybe get some networking opportunities? Well, that last one was silly. There was no way she was going to get a job out of doing work at a tiny island preserve. But, she could get more field experience. And work on some plants in different, more tropical regions. Which could propel her career to a place like Florida. Or the Bahamas. Or Costa Rica. Perhaps she was dreaming again, but she decided to see if Haywood was interested.

She forwarded the email with the subject line, "Can we do this, please please please?" Haywood replied within minutes, with the simple words, "Don't you have a thesis to write?"

After laughing a little, Ivy wrote him a longer response, explaining how she thought it would give her valuable field experience and exposure to novel plants; how it would give him a chance to expand his own research into tropical and perhaps get a long term study going in such a beautiful place. She went on and on, and when she hit send, she knew he would see she was serious.

He did. He wrote back and told her that if she wrote the proposal, he would edit it, and together, they would try to get themselves a tropical vacation. He told her to write for two undergraduate assistants on top of them - surveying a whole island would take more than an elderly ecologist and his much younger sidekick.

Hit with a burst of energy, Ivy opened a new document and began typing furiously. She would outline her ideas for the project, first, and then go off to find some research to back up what she was saying.

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