Confirmation

"Hi! Haywood? It's Ivy" Ivy's excited traveled across the landline to his sleepy ears. He was not yet into his second cup of coffee and was planning to leave shortly for the office.

"Yes? What's wrong?' Ivy rarely called him at home.

"We got it." She announced. It took a second for Haywood's foggy mind to make sense of this.

"Got what?" He asked her, comprehension still light years away.

"Kir'nu. We're going to Kir'nu this summer." She announced proudly.

"Oh. Wow! That's great. Listen, I'll be in to the office in a bit and we can talk about it more, ok?"

"Ok, sure! Sorry if I woke you up or something."

"You're fine Ivy. I'll see you soon."

"Ok, bye!" Ivy hung up her office phone with glee.

It was a Monday that wasn't just another day of the week: it was a Monday. She had stubbed her toe on her coffee table this morning, her cat had puked all over the plate that she had been about to put her breakfast on, and her car was reminding her that it was time for her to change its oil. She had gotten into the lab to find that the people that had borrowed lab space last week had failed to put their dishes away.

But when she had finally turned on the computer to check her email, the announcement was there. Her lab -- for she had been named the co-PI on the grant, with Haywood -- was issued a permit and ten thousand dollars worth of funding to visit Kir'nu and do their research.

She hadn't even spent that much time on the proposal, figuring it was a long shot. Sure, she thought the proposal had been good, and Haywood had agreed enough to put his name on it, but she thought that it would be a grant in high-demand, and they would be one of many, much more well known labs to compete for the funding. She had even forgotten about it, for they had submitted the grant months ago. Although, remembering the proposal, she realized that the announcement that they had received their funding nearly two months before the call for proposals had said they would decide.

Perhaps they were the only lab that had a decent proposal. Maybe everyone else was put off by the non-disclosure agreement. Sure, that had put off Haywood a bit, but Ivy pointed out that they were expected to publish, and they couldn't lie, so if they had to leave out a couple of rare plant locations to save the island from poachers, that's what they would do. After all, they both doubted a reserve would prohibit information that was scientifically valuable from reaching the community. It was more about protection for their rare and endangered, endemic island species.

Ah, well. They were going to Kir'nu. Excited, Ivy picked up her cell phone to call her family. No one was home, of course, but she would leave a message on their house phone. Her parents were so old fashioned that they refused to get cell phones for years -- and when they did, they rarely picked them up at work. It was not worth the effort to contact them. And they'd probably be angry if she tried to call them with something non life-threatening during work hours.

"Mom. Dad." She spoke into her cell phone. "We got a grant to go to a tropical island this summer for research. How sweet is that? Call me when you get this. Love you." Ivy hung up the phone and turned back to her computer screen, reading and re-reading the grant acceptance message.

Leaving her office, she prowled up and down the hallway for someone to tell, but most of her friends were not yet at work. She did realize, albeit belatedly, that it was only eight thirty in the morning. Most people got to the office around nine thirty or ten o'clock. Especially on Mondays. She settled back into her office, energy renewed, and opened her thesis document.

She was almost done writing, but she wasn't about to let her committee know that. No, she was going to milk this whole Ph.D. thing as long as she could. And if she graduated, she might not be able to go to Kir'nu. And she would have to move out of her apartment because she wouldn't be guaranteed a salary upon returning. So, as far as her committee was concerned, she was more around... chapter 2. And she knew they would throw hissy fits over the Kir'nu funding, but Haywood said that he would take care of it, and as long as Haywood was on her side, she could handle anything they threw at her.

Ivy glanced at the clock impatiently. She couldn't wait for Haywood to see the email for himself. Hopefully, he would be into the office soon. And then, they could focus on how to recruit two undergraduate lab assistants for the summer. That could be fun.

#

"You want to do what?" Ivy stopped what she was doing -- something very inappropriate -- and looked up at her partner.

"I ... um. Never mind."

"No." Ivy insisted. "Say it again." Ivy rose to her feet, trying to keep her surprise and anger at a minimum. If he had said what she thought he said, then he needed to leave. Right now. But she could've misheard.

"I asked if one day, maybe, I could... milk your udders." John said shakily.

"I see." She said simply. Ivy walked the few feet away from him and retrieved her bra and shirt.

"But we don't have to." He qualified quickly, moving to grab her arm. "I've always wanted to do that, but it's not a deal breaker."

"Yes. Yes it is." She responded. She clasped her bra and positioned it perfectly, then slid her shirt back over her head.

"What?" He sounded confused. She looked him in the eyes steadily.

"You just asked if you could milk me. While you were touching my nipples. How is that not a dealbreaker?"

"Well, like I said. We don't have to do it!" He protested. She threw his shirt at his head.

"Right. We won't." She assured him. He was sitting there, on her bed, with his shirt in his hands. He looked like a lost puppy. "Put your shirt on." She encouraged him. "We're done."

"What?!" John was angry now. He tightened his grip on the shirt. "It was a joke, okay? Can't you take a joke?"

"We both know it wasn't a joke." She said, calmly. "And I'm not into that, and now you're leaving."

"It's not like you can lactate, anyway." John grumbled as he reluctantly put his shirt on. "Not unless you took hormones. Which I have access to..."

"So now you want me to take illegal drugs so you can milk me? So you can what? Drink it? Store it in your fridge for later? No thank you."

"Well, no. We could roleplay, you know?" John stood, towering over her. She took a step back to alleviate her feelings of intimidation.

"Roleplay?" She asked incredulously. "Roleplay how?"

"You could be my... never mind. Forget it."

"Your what?"

John took a deep breath. "My cow."

"Wow." Ivy was stunned. John had, until this moment, been her favorite in her long line of online dating adventures. She hadn't gotten much more than a mediocre physical connection, but until this point, he hadn't said or done anything to make her uncomfortable or piss her off.

"I'll leave." John suggested.

"Yeah. That'd be a good idea." Ivy agreed. She walked past him to her bedroom door and opened it. Her cat came rushing into the room, annoyed that he had been locked out. As the cat rushed in, however, he regarded John with a steady gaze. The cat knew that for whatever reason, John was leaving and would not be returning. The cat reveled in this fact, and rubbed against his owner, then hissed at the man as he passed. John flinched.

"If you change your mind..." This man was downright pathetic, Ivy decided.

"I doubt I will." She cut him off. "But if I do, I'll call you. Or text you. Ok?"

"Ok." John was like a kicked puppy, lost on the side of the highway.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not that you're into weird stuff. We're done because of how you brought it up. You can't say those things in the middle of... those things. Not to mention, you suggested that you wanted me to [be your cow]{.underline}. Your cow. You called me fat."

"I normally don't. And I didn't call you fat!" He protested. "I just got so excited and your titties are just so big."

"Wow." Ivy opened the door to her apartment rather decisively.

"...Breasts?" He corrected himself, but it was too late. She handed him his coat.

"Inappropriate. Enjoy your life." Ivy motioned him out.

#

The response came almost immediately. Ivy had just written to her committee, informing them of the news that she, Haywood, and two undergraduate research assistants would be making the trek to Kir'nu this summer to do some research outside of the scope of her thesis, and that they would be in limited communication after May 15th -- their estimated departure date -- until they returned. Although internet access would be available, it could be slow or unreliable, and 3G phone service was unlikely in such a remote place.

Ivy's least favorite committee member, an external committee member located four states away at a large university, responded snippily, directly to Haywood, and so kindly carbon copied Ivy on his reply. This particular committee member was "seriously concerned" about Ivy's progress and was afraid that this trip would delay her progress and successful completion of her Ph.D.

The second email they received was much nicer. It was from the professor in the Chemistry department in the next building over, and it was simply a congratulatory note. Those were the appropriate things to say. Not fears of failure. Especially not to her advisor.

Haywood wrote back to both of them. To the latter, he thanked the chemist for his well wishes and said he would be in contact as they knew more about the project. To the former, Haywood launched into a long discussion about how well Ivy had done so far, and how he was confident that she could handle the extra responsibility of a new project and focusing on her thesis. Ivy smiled as she read it, her worries easing up. Her advisor would defend her to the very end, and for that, she was thankful.

And what was so bad about taking a vacation, anyway? The professors were always going on vacations and sabbaticals and to exotically located conferences, like the one in Italy that took the neighboring lab's principal investigator across the ocean for three weeks. Or the expedition to South Africa, which took an aquatics professor every summer. There was valuable research conducted, yes, but that was time away from writing, reading, and being an advisor to his graduate students. Why couldn't graduate students also take some time away to do some work?

Ivy knew she was overreacting. She was going to Kir'nu. She already had her parents agree to take her cat for a few months; she had a friend to check on her apartment once every few weeks while she was gone. That same friend would keep an eye on her car while she was gone. She had everything planned. All she and Haywood needed to do to make this thing a reality was to recruit two fresh, young, and innocent lab assistants to do all of their bitch work. Well, help them do the work.

They couldn't technically become slaves. And they were going to be given a very generous stipend to help compensate them for the summer of travel and field work. The lab and the grant would cover all food for all four people. And living expenses, like laundry. They would be expected to buy their own personals, like shampoo, but other than that and the clothes on their backs, they would be living expense free. She was sure that they would have to turn away many, many applicants before they found the ones they wanted. Who wouldn't want to go to a tropical paradise for a summer?

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